Written By: Shreya Jain
One of the bittersweet truths of life is the inevitability of change: no matter what aspect of life you look at, you'll most definitely find that it is characterised by change, which can be perceived as good or bad, desirable or undesirable.
The same rule applies to our emotions, which are commonly understood as feelings, consisting of three characteristics: physiological arousal, behavioural aspect, and the awareness of that feeling.
For example, when you are angry, you may experience breathing heavily (physiological arousal), you may behave in an aggressive manner which may include shouting or yelling (behavioural aspect) and you may be aware of experiencing this feeling (awareness of the feelings).
Emotions form an indispensable part of our life, considering that they're one of the driving forces behind our behaviour. A study has found that 90% of the times, humans experience at least one emotion, with the most common emotion being joy. From joy to guilt, excitement to disappointment, we all experience numerous emotions, sometimes to the point of getting overwhelmed!
Some feelings are labelled as negative and unpleasant, while others are positive and desirable. While positive emotions are relatively easy to regulate, we may find it difficult to manage or process negative emotions like guilt, fear, embarrassment, anxiety, sadness, loneliness, and anger, among many others, perhaps because they lead to discomfort or because we don't know how to deal with them without spiralling into a more negative state of mind.
This leads us into an avoidance mode, wherein we find ways to protect ourselves from pain by not letting those feelings surface to our consciousness. Avoidance of emotions often looks like this:
1. Trying to distract ourselves, such as by watching television or mindlessly scrolling on our phones
2. Indulging in excessive behaviours, such as substance or alcohol abuse
3. Avoiding or withdrawing oneself from situations, like sleeping on our problems or avoiding responsibilities
4. Making active and conscious efforts to suppress those feelings, such as by denying their presence
Although it is true that these methods of emotional regulation provide temporary relief, research suggests that it is actually a case of emotional dysregulation, which further leads to "self-injury". Self-injury refers to seeking short-term comfort from uncomfortable feelings, thereby evading deep resolution of those feelings until the same emotions surface again. Such individuals find themselves stuck in a vicious cycle of distress as they feel ashamed that they can't even control their own lives, further leading to more negative emotions.
This leads to us denying ourselves the opportunity to address the larger issue 一 what part of our self is seeking our attention and compassion? What are underlying issues that are being indicated through those emotions? What is the reason they keep resurfacing?
When we ignore, we are depriving our emotions of the opportunity for healthy expression. Our attempts at protecting ourselves from pain and discomfort are misguided and unhelpful because, at some point, avoidance of such emotions will become unfeasible. So, in order to learn and grow from our emotional experiences, rather than getting beaten down by them, we must equip ourselves with emotional regulation skills.
Emotional regulation refers to an effective and healthy management and regulation of our emotions, such that we are able to successfully cope with the discomfort they cause and adapt to the experiences they generate.
Here are some actionable self-help strategies of emotion regulation you can adopt to create space in your life for healthy expression of emotions:
1. Journaling: Writing in a journal is an effective tool that provides you with a personal, non-judgmental, and safe space to explore and express your feelings and thoughts. A journal can be your sacred space or your best friend, which will never turn its back on you! Journaling is a proven way of resolving feelings and untangling complex thoughts because when you write whatever comes to mind, it's almost as if you're projecting your thoughts onto paper. You gain clarity and de-clutter your mind as you work through your thoughts. You can journal in a diary, write an email to yourself, speak in front of a mirror or even send voice notes to yourself!
(You can check out the video on Journalling on our page. Click here to see the video- ("Why do therapists encourage their clients to journal"- )
2. Movement: It can be challenging and overwhelming to diffuse strong emotions. A helpful way to regulate a powerfully elicited emotion such as anger or frustration at that moment is moving our body. If the situation allows, try to break a sweat by running, dancing, jumping jacks, or skipping. This will enable you to release the physiological build-up that has resulted from that emotion, become calmer, and deal with the situation more effectively.
3. Reach out to a friend or family member: When processing emotions seems difficult to achieve by
ourselves, it's okay to seek social support and talk to a person you trust. Venting about our feelings and problems to a close one can make us feel heard and validated.
4. Consider therapy: We can not stress this enough, but taking professional help is one of the safest, most effective ways to explore your feelings, express your true self, understand your emotional experiences, and identify unhelpful coping mechanisms. A therapist is a trained professional who will provide you with an empathetic, safe, and therapeutic space where you can navigate emotions, thoughts, and experiences without feeling judged or threatened.
We hope you try to break the cycle of self-injury and become more emotionally aware!