Rushing towards my room on that Monday morning I no way imagined that I would be meeting Rehaan*, the fourth standard topper who had every thing on his plate. I noticed during assembly time that his ‘good morning’ face was not as bright as other students- ‘Maybe he hates Monday as much as I do’-I thought!
As a counselling psychologist, I meet clients of all age ranges, however, children are my favourite. I personally feel that they are the most welcoming, warm and at the same time most forgiving section of human beings.
While I was admiring the roses given to me by the class one students, I heard a knock at the door. To my surprise, it was Rehaan* who happened to be the most popular name in the primary wing. I thought he would ask me about the whereabouts of some teacher. “I want to meet you.”-he said instead.
As a counsellor in a boys’ school, the fluids in my brain started working towards the possible reasons for his eagerness to meet me. A number of permutations and combinations started playing in my head. “Is he unhappy?” “Why did I never notice him before?” “Is he being bullied?” “Do his parents pressurise him?” etc..etc..etc
“I want to be happy ma’am.” He said.
Through the sessions, we discussed as to how he is never happy with his work and how he feels the need to do better. We worked on his thought patterns. We worked on his routine and included rest and relaxation. I used to give him activities that would make him smile. I introduced a reward system for him to feel better. I held family counselling sessions as well. He eventually did feel better. However, I was not entirely satisfied. He was smiling-yes, but there was a lack of twinkle in his eyes-I wanted more.
I used various activities and used art therapy to understand if he was facing any problem/trauma from the past-nothing came out. After about 4-5 sessions, I decided that I needed to give up. I need to refer him to someone who would ‘actually’ bring about happiness in him, inside out and not focus on cosmetic changes-like I thought I was. I also scheduled a meeting with his parents where I decided to tell them that all was not hunky dory. There was still a lot to be done to make him ‘truly happy’. Shared this with Rehaan* and we mutually decided to terminate the sessions.
I made a ‘Well Done’ card for him. I wrote, “Well done! Your journey has been great! I am proud of you!” and added some stars using sparkle pens-with the hope to add some twinkle which I had technically failed at. He saw the card and with teary eyes asked me “Ma’am, you think I have done well. No-one has ever told me that”. I couldn’t believe my ears. No-one had ever validated his journey but had always told him to do better. Always told him to reach the end.
In my therapeutic alliance with him, I was doing what others had done with him. I was constantly focussing on achieving something; I was looking at reaching the destination of a state of happiness and was not paying attention to the journey! How could I miss this essential aspect…
I changed my sessions plans to mindfulness-I changed my focus on now. The next few attempts focussed on making him go through his journey and acknowledging every aspect of it. This involved pausing in this rat race and making him fully aware of the road he had travelled. I used some strategies that the parents and teachers would use to help him achieve this. We collaboratively drew a journey graph for him and normalised the idea of trying rather than ‘just’ succeeding.
As the sessions went by slowly and gradually he started sharing his ‘not so successful moments’. He started sharing how he had taken part in an event and not come first however he felt surprisingly okay about it.
My essential take back from this case was that it is important for the people in the child’s life to acknowledge her/his journey-neither success nor failure but ONLY the journey, to begin with.
“In the pursuit of happiness, pause and just be happy instead!”
